Long night + poem

i let go of you every day
yet every night i dream of you
how you talked to me for hours
the never ending conversations
even those hidden smiles i caught

i let go of you every day
while you let go weeks ago
how i miss your laugh
the way it made your whole face shine
either way I've lost that part of you

i let go of you every day
yet every night its you i want holding me
how tears falling down my cheeks
the memories of you too strong in my mind
every night i have to say good bye again

i let go of you every day
yet every moment i can spare your there
how my thoughts linger on you
the lack of the ability to let go
every second reliving that pain

Its been a long night No one knows that i cant sleep because i hate missing your presence. The nights i sleep the best are because I'm too tired to care anymore. I act so strong all day but by midnight i feel so alone without you. How was i supposed to know that i was attached so soon! I did not want to be attached to you. Being attached was not the goal. Its not even about the physical relationship we had. I miss how we used to walk and talk. You were the one person that cared in my life that was right here, right now. How am i supposed to replace another best friend? its impossible, i hope you know that. I could ind anyone and throw myself into a relationship, but you were different just like the ones before. I wear my heart on my sleeve and i guess that's a good thing because obviously i cant read myself that easily. I don't like missing you. I hate forming dependencies on people. I used to be so independent. I was free of all restrictions in a sense that way. Now i just feel like as i et older i get emptier and emptier. As i give more of my heart away to people i lose just as much from others pulling them away. Internally I'm so broken. I can no longer tell where the broken pieces were and where i have to go to put them back together. I'm living without being complete and i dint know how to comply to these circumstances. I'm lost to the world in so many ways. I can throw myself into anything that comes my way to forget the ache i feel, but it only dulls the pain. Everyone always says i over react to emotional stuff. I dint think i over react so much as i put my all behind every bond i form and for everyone of those bonds broken that piece of me breaks with it. How can one heart take so much heart ache? It took me two years to piece my life back together and become the person you first met on the Internet. How i was always so glad to see you on in the early hours. Again i state that miss our talks. You've always had a way to make me laugh or see the optimistic point of view. I don't know how to give that up, but i guess I'll have to if i keep dying every night when you forget me or refuse to hang out I know your busy , we all are. The thing that hurts is that i know your going with other people. Oh its such a small world. I want to stop hurting I want to stop caring. How can i form this shell i need? i have no clue but its already starting. I've been receding everyday more and more even as i open more an more. how i just don't want to feel anything more tonight, to make the tears stop, to sleep without waking thinking your there, to smile and not feel like its fake, to just feel and know that its showing through my mask. This night has been too long and morning is already beginning to form in my mind.