~Broken~

~broeken~
the demands of life are causing me failures
breaking my body with grueling works
beating down my soul till it is thread-bare
with every heart beat a new pain is reviled
wasting away as food no longer offers nourishment
wanting little but love and life in retrospect

~Death passing~

~death passing~
Yet another death passes thrugh my life
not close to my heart but close one who is
the pain she must feel at the horrid loss
i want to help her not feel torn up inside
but how can i when i still am torn to bits
wanting to give her support in any fashion
unwilling to let the tears for her life fall
the life she had riped from her too soon
so unfair to the worst degree
rising the voices of amazing grace
singing the emotions of the torn soul
leading our greiveing lifes forward
encompassing her to keep her sane
one of my dearest friends is being broken
and i can no longer fix her sorrows for they are also mine

rambling

the boy holds me solidly than i could have thought. were so simialr but so diferent it so nice to have someon to talk to about everything!god and hes such a sweet person!! how the did i get so damn lucky!well now i sleep

~untitled~

how will we grow together
drowning in so many ways
helping eachother float
encouraging the under loved

can we make the promises
hold to that standards set
going forth into this world
destined to be torn apart

holding tight to you internally
balanced is the outcome
centered in ways unknown
quiet of mind an soul

not hiding these pretenses
honesty formost in trust
smiles just for u and me
questions similairly placed

rambling

im sittng here at 8till midnight thinking of everything and yet nothing at all. I want to call the boy that has been in my thoughts all day because my mind is soo much more still while im with him. Then i dont want to be with him at all because of the things i always think adn pretend to do but dont. I am a coward in every sense of the word. I rather live in the world of my mind were things are so much more simplictic but alas im unable to fall into that rabbits hole. Im really cold again, it was sucha beautiful day and i was so warm while i layed in the sun after i had lunch(the only meal today :-/)while i shuffled cards thinking. i want to walk the beach with him agan and again till every thought ive ever conceived is brought to the surface and put on displace for him to know and talk of. His sincerity is awe inspiring. I woder if he is just to innocent to even know my whole mind. maybe the world is. its best to keep ones mind to oneself when you ahve no clue were it is the thoughts you think surface from. I want to write more because i feel lighter when i have written but then again my heart is my sleeve if you look close enough. Im broke, i woder if i ahve always been this way. i always want the impossible in life love career mind. who knows maybe those high goals will one day be fullfiled. i dont sleep well most nights now, i wonder what it is about ym dreams that wakes me so that i lay for hours not thinking just taking in the quiet of the early morning. one of these days i need to wach that sunrise and find my peace with it, just because it brings another day does not make it the enemy, more so it makes it a timless companion and confidant. long days should conclude with tired minds, i tihnk my mind just speeds up till i collapse into bed to wake hours later having not felt sleep in any way. ::sigh:: imust try to sleep now, being awake for 20 hrs is too much for any one soul in this horrid life

~thoughts~

~thoughts~
so little thoughts
just imagining you
the sweet smile
how you laugh
i noticed you
before i even knew

so little thoughts
images flashing by
windy beaches
badly lite pubs
comofrting living rooms
if only youd come here

so little thoughts
breaking every nerve
we're just here
left to deal
come here wont you
i need you with me

Ruptured Rhapsody

Ruptured Rhapsody
a vert thought provokeing blog on childhood an life

~Slipping~

~slipping~
i feel you slip away even as i see you so close
holding your close is just a dream i hold
telling myself i can one day stand beside you
you could do so much better than me
yet i hold on faithfully as you slip away
not knowing where this is going at all
spiralling out of control in so many ways
i feel you slipping from my grasp
even though we've barely ever touched
what can i do to keep you
you, who has never been mine
i want you for you even though your not mine

~Doomed~

~Doomed~
doomed to wait for you understanding
willing you to read my mind to see it
holding back the tidal wave of emotions
tossing and turing in the uncertainty
damned to not know your answers
swearing that trying harder pushes too hard
trying to belive my own lies staring me in the face
wilting like a flower dying for water
i die waiting for your answers
fearing all is lost and my hopes shattered
doomed to be consumed by emotions constantly

~Too Long~

~Too Long~
you've left me wondering too long
hiding behind your walls, so sad
you're face was what kept me going
holding me higher because of your smile

you've pulled my strings too hard
playing me as your puppet so easily
you're fingers drawing me on in longing
waiting for your touch on my skin

you've smiled too many smiled at me
mistaking me as naive and blind to you
your flirting left me breathless so many times
longing to be that one but knowing i wont be

~Done~

~Done~
the irrelevance of our talking its specatular
as your eyes will never meet mine straight

you move as to get closer and pull away
making sure that contact is on the edge of reality

the talking no longers holds me firm to you
needing more im straying in my thoughts

in need of touch im afraid to push you further
almost holding hands or touching shoulders is harder every time

im straying and i wonder if you even care anymore
getting to know you is a blessing turned to a curse

cursed to long for more and never recive such
waiting for those lips to embrace mine without luck

ive waited as long as is possible to wait
faithful even in our friendship just to you

goodbye these thoughts of goodness being right
doomed to never have that love i long for

~Endless doubting~

~Endless doubting~
Why is it that my love is so endless whilst yours never seems to start?
I let you break my heart every time our eyes meet and you smile
Our laughter is what allows me life and power to move forward
The stars call it a perfect match our souls so alike and fierce
But our cards read hesitance and misplaced abilities from the past
Which of us will break this saddening spell of friendship to more
Our bravery leaves us both in our time of need and leaves scars
Upon my mind you lay a heavy thought always drifting to the front
Kinder souls wrong cards and our smiles twinkling like diamonds
Will my heart forever be broken by you in this beautifully sad friendship?
Or will you my beloved dark haired friend turn those eyes to me in love

~Woman or Friend~

i wait for you to tell me
to tell me you'll be mine
im waiting to love you
holding back my beatin heart
as it pounds like a bass drum

i wait for you to move on
from whatever holds you tied
im waiting to feel your lips
not lettings myself lose you
just for one fatal kiss

i wait for you to speak my name
with lust filled eyes
im waiting to embrace you
laying awake wondering
what your body next to mine would feel like

i wait for you
oh so long im waiting
im waiting my life away
day and night crying for you
to see me as a woman instead of a friend