In charge of my own fate

freedom, oh how i wish i could feel free. like there was nothing holding me back from my dreams or wants. shining like the sun on mountains raveling in its own joy of being. How can i ever be free? i am always held down my ropes, restrictions, fears. I remember once when i was little i told my dad that i wasn't scared of the world, how far i have fallen in a decade an a half. I run away from everything now, it just always seems easier than facing the truths. The truths that i am scared, of everything. I'M terrified of the future because its always so uncertain even though i know exactly where i want to in it. I'm even more scared of the past and how it always catches up to me, making it so hard to let go and move on in life. Most frightening is the present. A time in which every second counts and one wrong step out of line in this rigid dance people call an education can cost me my everything, my knowledge.
The lost of knowledge would be the greatest loss i could ever imagine.I made a promise to never give that up and to keep trying;so why do i keep acting like a terrified horse rearing at the trees in the wind? How did i loss that pride i had in myself that made me strong and stubborn? By letting the actions of others dictate who i am, i lost myself. I buried the strong energetic child in hopes that a new person would move forward, it never has. In the time i was to grow i was restricted by invisible ropes. The binded my heart to another and thus i became what i had to. I lost piece by piece day by day the strength to fight back. Then i broke.I broke into to so many tiny pieces that i was left with a blank canvas to recreate my heart and soul.
Bit by tiny bit Ive become stronger, more powerful, a force to be reckoned with. Yet, still there are fears holding me, rooting me to old habits of giving away pieces of myself. I know now, two decades into my life, that people are never constants. We all change, move on, grow up, cure broken hearts. How to do these things i know will take longer to leaner. As hard s the lessons are on these things i have one constant, the ability to recreate a blank canvas and try again. For when one door closes many others open up opportunities that you might have never imagined. So, the boy might have broke your hart but you can fix in a slow process. A loved one might pass to the realm of Heaven to watch over you and you must endure for they are now a guiding light for you. The lesson that as an adult you are responsible for ever action of your own and that it affects everyone around you negative or positive is hard to accept ,yet still very true. Lastly, accepting change in your life is hard, its hurts, it make you confused, frustrated. All those things that you which you could just stop feeling at that moment in time,but it like the clouds has little designating its path than the currents of the air and fate. For in the end we are the currents of our own fates. Designating the paths we will walk down and what risk we are willing to take. So as master of my fate i bow to ropes, fears, restrictions. I will love with all i am, speak with the convictions i feel, and act as my heart desires.