Why is it that when you find good in life bad stuff always happens? Or like no matter how hard you try someone elsewill almost always be better than you. No one ever is given the chance just to shine in knowing thier perfect the way they are cuz well there is always a greener pastor or a bluer lake somewhere... I find thats the closer i am to having faith in God the harder it is not to notice his absence in my daily life... I mean if he loves me so much wh is it that i suffer the ways i do and why is it that things that bring me happiness are unachieveable or attainable? I know there are alot of people out there and all but why have certain ones bear responsibility for others misfortunes and have t carry constent reminders of thier painful past? why cant i forget, i have forgiven thus i should be able to forget but im still unable to put my horric history in the box of never again and move on beliving in love and peace and all that junk... well yea ... i have a bad history and now my present is not allowed to be happy and i fight old habits daily, hourly just to get by. I wish i had the ablity to tell him how he makes me feel... then maybe just maybe he would love me back, but feeling right in his arms doesnt mean he returns that or even wants it... gosh i wrote alot well got to go back to studying fro my Midterms evil Univeristy!
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