How the might fall

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm human. what a simple yet complicated statement. Most people I know probably wouldn't say I'm human in a normal sense, mainly because I'm not. I am the total opposite of normal actually. I love to talk to people, yet I'm terrified to try anymore because of all the friendships that I have lost over the last 3 years. Even some of the people I'm very close to now don't know every stitch that makes me up. Hell I don't even know all of me yet! Yet, I am human. I bleed when cut, I cry when I am sad, I turn tomato red in front of the boys I've ever likes (they see it as endearing I see it as a curse). These things that connect me never came to mind till I found out I was able to be defeated. That my high ideas and morals could be broken, even if only for a short while. I know some people would laugh and tell me " Oh, how that great have fallen" because of statements I have made previously. They have no clue that though I'm a hypocrite now the repercussion for them and for me are very different. I don't let go of my faults well. It a very bad habit I picked up when I was young. knowing where I am weak allowed me to either get better or ignore that part of me. In general I am not a weak person. I hold my ideas, plans, and dreams dearly and above all else. Yet, here I am fallen from my plan wallowing away in front of the keyboard typing just so that I can sleep and not feel guilty. For I do feel guilty even after and apology and realizing I'm human I just am unable to accept that I will make mistakes and forgo my ideas for short periods of time in life, if not for the adventure then because I feel a need or pull to the situation.
Its funny how this situation all came about because of boredom and loneliness. The key is that to become human I have to forget who I am if only for a second and just let instinct rule me. Instinct it something that I don't like to run off of because I give it control and do not get the reins back fast enough ever. At twenty years old I am fairly certain I have only let instinct guide me twice. Of those two times only one is regretted. Regret. That is a word I never wanted to use and really feel it made sense. Yet here I am at 1am on Saturday mornin' and its all I can feel. Pain and regret and loss. I have fallen from my moral high ground and been left with nothing to stand on.
I severely need sleep. I severely need love, the real kind where the other half of me is finally full and I have that tingly sensation with every look or touch. I'm a hopeless romantic so get lost if ya can't handle it! I need to be allowed to be a fee spirit and not feel restricted by my lack of eloquence and beauty. I am in need of acceptance for my true self and my beliefs. I need so much that is not able to be given or taken. I am lost. Lost to every emotion that filters through my brain and the information of this day and age. In ten years I will have faded into a huge oblivion of the work world and have no place in history. I am to be no one, even though I was someone. I write too much.
Fin