~Childs Mask~

under my surface
the waters are not still
they are trashing
churning feeling and emotions

the waves come and go
but the on the surface
not a single ripple shows
the dark waters are hidden

beneath my skin lies a torrent
of anger, sadness, and guilt
unable to let go
feeling everything but showing nothing

the tears that fall in loneliness
are the only comfort I can claim
hidden beneath my smile
lies the sad depths of my soul

no longer hidden from my own mind
that deep forbidding soul awaits
the turbidities of my emotions
ravaging the entirety of my mind

under the surface
imp not happy
but for a moment in time
imp able to see a future were I could be

this week has been hard firs my great aunt passed away, from leukemia, to a better place where she is no longer suffering and can be happy for eternity. but now... now I have been told that my uncle, oh god!, my uncle has cancer, they told me to be positive... they told me that it might be curable... but they don’t know.. Oh God please let this hell be over with... Cancer is the word that I cant handle...
I have 6 uncles... my oldest uncle has cirrhosis of the liver and is on his way to get a liver transplant but until he gets rid of his Hepitis C they cant give him is new liver. everyday he is fighting for his life and suffering the pains of the one of the most horrid disease a human being can endure... the second oldest uncle works way to much and I worry for him... then now my third oldest uncle has informed my family that he has cancer. he dent know what kind of or if its curable or not. But I have to sit here and wonder if a few months down the road or maybe a yea from now he will have left us too... I cant imagine a person that could be more understanding about the circumstance than my uncle but it hurts down to my core... I cant stand death.. I can strand the people I love in pain and now we are enduring more pain than I believe anyone can handle... so please God just read this or maybe even someone else and understand the hurt and pain and just help in some way... I don’t know any other way to help myself or them.. imp only 19 years old and in less the 12 months have lost 2 people in my life and have had to face the reality of maybe losing more soon or seeing them slowly fall apart by treatments that will allow them to live another 10 years...
bye